I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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