I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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