Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
