I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
