it was like his penis was on wheels.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
