ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
