My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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