You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
