good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
