I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
