i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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