Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just google imaged poop.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
