I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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