Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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