i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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