please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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