sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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