Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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