I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
