Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
