My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
