I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
