Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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