I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
