Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
PANTIES FOUND
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
