I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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