I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
