Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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