they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
