dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
