I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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