They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
