just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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