i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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