so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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