I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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