If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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