they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize