I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The adults are the big ones right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
