i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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