ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
