I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think your dad took our porno
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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