I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
