did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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