that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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