i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
