Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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