so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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