It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
