there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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